How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
