Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
