there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
