im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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