Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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