Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's always time for handjobs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
