He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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