ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
