I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
