i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
