I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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