the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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