I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
