Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
