I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
