my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
