Don't make out with my wife yet
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
