the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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