I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think people are normalizing furries
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
