Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Found the puke drawer
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This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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