HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
