So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
