Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
