In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
