Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
