i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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