I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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