how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
