my phone needs a breathalizer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
