guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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