You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
