If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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