if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
