What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
