I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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