I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
