Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
