You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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