She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
