Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
