I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
