u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
