At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
