Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
