Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
