dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
