maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
