i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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