i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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