WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
