Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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