About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
