Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
