Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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