Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
PANTIES FOUND
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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