The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
