If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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