I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
