Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
