Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
