Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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