it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
FUCK WHALES
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
please don't ironically join a cult
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