i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sarcasm needs its own font
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
