The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
