We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
