It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
